the good, the bad, the ugly...
Monday, June 28
Thursday, June 24
10 months... New
Tuesday, May 25
Holy Cowabunga!
that a move across the country would effect my little family members so much.
I had NO idea...
how owning a business would feel. It has felt a lot like having a second child. In the sense that it consumes your every act, all day. You think about it from sun up, until sun down. And the level of loyalty, and good will that you wish for it- crazy!
It's all good. We are all good.
Just letting you know that I haven't died. I still love you and care about you and what's going on in your life!
Pray for us these next couple of months as we continue to transition in the office and in our lives. I promise to soon, very soon start blogging again! Patience my sweet friends!
xoxo
Friday, May 21
9 months... what a crazy month!
Yesterday we celebrated Parker's 9 months of life by going to the zoo with my sis-in-law and her two cuties.
Lately I've been feeling like 'Oh my word, he's not a baby any more.' 'He's almost 1 you know... I should start planning his birthday.' and that's really just to name a few, really...
But then it hit me yesterday. He's still a baby - he's 9 months old! Hello, Chandra! Cool your jets Lady...
So, today I'm back on track. Embracing every moment, fall, scratch, tear, bite :) sleepless night... Because he's still a baby! (Although I think that someone should tell him this, because SERIOUSLY the kid thinks he's ready for college.)
Friday, May 14
Unlock the magic!
Tuesday, May 11
A melted heart
Thursday, May 6
Friday, April 30
Parker 'the' Man's 1st Kiss!
Parker's 1st Kiss from Chandra Endel on Vimeo.
Thursday, April 29
Perception
Chatting with a group of moms this week, one asked, 'So, the terrible two's... what are they like?'
The mother of the two year old, thinking her son was rather behaved said 'It's not bad.'
A third mother said, ''You know... I think it's all about your perception of your child in this moment of their lives. If we choose to experience these moments as 'They aren't listening.' 'She is just so strong willed.' 'He is biting, pulling, spitting, ahhh!' then it outright sucks! But rather if we embrace these moments as 'Wow, she is so interested in how things work.' 'He thinks he's such a big boy he can do it himself!' 'She wants to be a part of everything that I do in my big world!' then it's a pretty amazing time!''
How do you choose to live it?!
Wednesday, April 28
Wish List Wednesday: 1 for me, 1 for you
I'm holding out for the perfect spring day... and clearly a little extra cash!
I think the concept is great and love supporting those who help others, you know?!
'TOMS Shoes was founded on a simple premise: With every pair you purchase, TOMS will give a pair of new shoes to a child in need. One for One. Using the purchasing power of individuals to benefit the greater good is what we're all about.'
(I hope that one day when my family is hoofing around Burkina Faso, that we see others sporting our same kicks!)
This week I received an email from them saying, 'Toms loves Mother's Day!' Probably should have forwarded this to my husband... (Please get the hint!) Seriously they are so cute, I don't even know how I would pick just one color, or one style... the coolest thing yet is they just made Tiny Toms for babes too! I've been waiting for months for the release date and was a little sad to see that the sizes are too big for park man... next summer!
Here are my picks... at the moment!
Seaport Vegan Classics
$54
Olive Gray Camo
$34
Monday, April 26
Refelection on a Miracle...
This weekend I reflected a lot on a miracle that my family received one year ago, yesterday. All week we counted down April 25. We all remembered exactly what we were doing that very day... Some probably in more detail remembered the weather, the color of the sky and even what they had for lunch.
April 25, 2009 ~ I received a call that will forever change my life. My brother Preston had been in a serious dirt bike accident and they had to care flight him to the hospital. It was bad... but we didn't really know how bad, just yet. I was shocked. I couldn't believe that I wasn't there. I couldn't remember the last time I had even talked to Preston or what was or wasn't said. How was my Dad... My poor Mom...
I was on a plane in less than 5 hours. The first miracle of the day was that my ticket was $250 and easily could have been $500ish. Long story short, Preston had life threatening, very serious injuries. Punctured lungs, filling with fluid. Blood on his brain. Mrsa.
The accident has changed all of us. My family had tremendous support from family and friends and experienced endless love and prayers from the community and those we didn't even know. Some days we forget to say 'Thank You.' To live our life as a reflection that there is a God who saves... Luckily, God shows mercy and grace and has patience of steel!
Two weekends ago, Preston went to prom with his sweetheart, Jacki!. She was there the day of his accident and was one of the many angels that helped save his life that day/month!
Thursday, April 22
When I grow up...
Tuesday, April 20
Off to the DMV!
Thursday, April 15
The little things
- God has really been showing me that I am good enough just as I am! This is something I've struggled with for a really long time. I get excited about an idea or way to serve, but then I quickly extinguish it, telling myself I'm not 'ready yet.' 'I don't know enough yet.' Blah blah blah. Clearly there is ALWAYS room for improvement and more knowledge and experience but some times it's the experiences that come from doing vs. reading... I've began reading 'The Wisdom of No Escape' by Pema Chodron and over and over again it talked about loving ourselves first and that we are great just as we are. It encourages us to be inquisitive and curious about ourselves, our experience and life in general while being gentle and open as well. Sometimes I feel surrounded by people who know what they want to do with their lives and are doing it... most have this fancy education and letters behind their names. It has really been a challenge for me because I too have big dreams of changing the world and I often feel I can only do it with more education or letters trailing Mrs. Endel... I've been feeling peace with where I am in my life and yesterday mapped out a little deeper my plan of attack on impacting the world. I'm good enough today to do it... so I will start, with baby steps!
- Parker... where is he, he's over there, no he's up there... no how about out there? It's no secret Park is ready to take on the world and I have a feeling he's going to be a 'Go Big or Go Home' kind of guy. He makes me tired, I'm always subluxated and I'm pretty sure our skin's are slowly fusing together! I find my self trying not to say things like, 'He's an animal.' 'He's an active boy.' My goal as his mother isn't about labeling him or describing him... but rather embracing him. Who he is today and who he is tomorrow and the next. I want to honor his curiosity of this world and how things work. His 'I can do it' attitude that he exercises over and over again!
- Friends. My life has been blessed with so many amazing friends! God has provided me with love, acceptance, family and accountability in the most AMAZING people these last 5 years. I grew a lot in Iowa. Looking back I was growing from child to teenager. Finding my way and developing my Independence. My years in Seattle have been growing from teenager to woman... I have fallen a lot and the scars are deep. But I had the best surgeons stitching me back up and giving me directions on how to heal! Two weeks, and I pick up my things and move yet again. Looking back from college to now, I've seen some patterns. I have loved, moved, loved again and moved. Through all of that, there are a handful of amazing people who still influence my life almost daily and in two weeks that number will grow again. Because we choose what 'good-bye' looks like and means... I'm choosing NO 'good-byes,' rather 'Call you later.' 'See you soon!' The world is too big and time is too short to go it alone... and I'm not going to!
xoxo
Monday, April 12
Wednesday, April 7
Wish List Wednesday: April Showers...
Monday, April 5
Weekend Warriors: Life...
Do you ever feel you have so much to DO... but not enough RESOURCES?
I'm not going to lie, that's were I'm at.
And not just because we're saying GOOD-BYE to a place with people we LOVE
or because my 7 MONTH old has decided he would rather SLEEP with MOMMY
or because I'm FLYING with my CAT in a duffel bag (Have you seen the size of my cat?!)
Packing up my HOUSE and moving AGAIN!
Soon to be WORKING 3 days a week
My HUSBAND is taking the biggest leap of FAITH of his LIFE
(please note I'm not complaining... just making a list! smile)
Trying to trust GOD in all of this... am I TRUSTING?
Anyways, pray for ME. PRAY for us!
xoxo
Friday, April 2
Chew on this...
Failure, success and neither
The math is magical: you can pile up lots of failures and still keep rolling, but you only need one juicy success to build a career.
The killer is the category called 'neither'. If you spend your days avoiding failure by doing not much worth criticizing, you'll never have a shot at success. Avoiding the thing that's easy to survive keeps you from encountering the very thing you're after.
And yet we market and work and connect and create as if just one failure might be the end of us.
Wednesday, March 31
Wish List Wednesday: Just putting it out there
Today I wish for a quaint little house with a back yard and lots of natural light. Hard wood floors, high ceilings, original trim, a dish washer and a fireplace.
What... go big or go home!
I know that my mind should be entertaining a townhouse sandwiched between two other families with screaming kids... but I just can't.
I envision chickens running around in the back yard and the dogs, cat and Parker coming in and out as they wish. A garden growing so big it's out of my control! The freedom, the energy, I can't stand it!
And this is where we disagree. Doug would argue this is my long term vision, what we can have in a year or so. I understand and it's possibly quite true, but if it were possible now wouldn't that be amazing!!!
It's hard to imagine where we are going to live, the streets we will walk, play grounds we will shed blood on (!!) and coffee shop we will make our own. This is where the control freak in me becomes more of a weakness. I am drifting... Instead of seeing the beauty and spontaneity in not knowing what town we will make ours and the home we will call, HOME - I am mildly wrapped up in the uncomfortableness of the unknown. Feeling vulnerable and open...
Today, I am working on letting go, trusting and 'rolling with it!' However, in case all of this is a possibility - I'm just putting it out there!
Tuesday, March 30
Let the memorization begin!
Have you met a Buckeye fan? They are CRAZY... and we have been gone a really long time!
People reference team members like they are family, the town shuts down and the drinking begins!
Surprise! Doug and I will be moving back the week of May 2. We have LOVED our time away, meeting amazing people and experiencing beautiful places and challenged ways of living.
But the time has come. Another chapter of our book is written and the empty pages encourage us to DREAM BIG and DO BIG so that they too can tell our stories.
We are looking forward to holidays spent with families, birthday parties, over night stays with grandma & grandpa and time spent with my sister and old friends!!!!
God has been so evident in this process and we thank Him first and foremost... and you all, we thank you second!
Stay tuned!
Monday, March 29
Weekend Warriors: Gentle
Gentle with the toy that he is so violently swinging.
Gentle with the little babe whose eyes he is scratching
or lip he is pulling
Gentle with the hair of the kitty he is pulling
or mom and dad's big nose!
I imagine it very similar to our relationship with God.
The desires and wills he has for us...
yet he has to be patient until we understand.
Until we can understand the consequences of our actions
and make the choice on our own.
I have had a couple of moms tell me parenting has awakened them
to the true love that God clearly has for us...
And I am humbled everyday!
Friday, March 26
Alive and Well!
Tuesday, March 23
Whoopie!
Which ever kind you'd like really.
I made these the other day and I think I personally ate them all, but one.
(these are from a gluten free website that I LOVE, check it out!)
Cake & Commerce's Whoopie Pies
Makes approximately 12 filled Pies
- 4 oz (1 stick) butter
- 1 Cup Sugar
- 1 Egg + 1 Egg yolk
- 1 C Buttermilk
- 1 t Vanilla extract
- 2 t guar gum (optional - if you don't use it, your pies will spread out more)
- 3/4 t Salt
- 1-1/2 t Baking Powder
- 1/2 t Baking Soda
- 1/4 C + 2 T Tapioca flour
- 1-1/2 C light buckwheat flour
- 1/2 C Cocoa
- 1/2 C Almond flour (as fresh as possible - grind your own if possible)
- 2 T Rice Flour
Procedure:
Preheat oven to 350 F.
Sift all dry ingredients together.
Mix sugar and butter until fluffy. Add eggs and mix until combined. Alternate additions of dry ingredients and wet ingredients, until everything is in the mixing bowl. Mix briefly, until all ingredients are evenly and thoroughly combined. Make sure dough is fairly firm - it should not be wet or gooey at all.
It should look like this. If it doesn't add a little more flour.
Using an ice cream scoop (I use a smaller size - remember, it spreads!), scoop out balls of dough onto a parchment lined baking sheet. Make sure there is space for the cookie to spread. Here's what it will look like in the oven when the cookies are done baking:
Bake for about 10-15 minutes or until a toothpick comes out dry or the top of the cookie does not retain a mark when touched with your finger. I prefer the pies a little more fudgy and less dry, so if you want a slightly more fudgy cake, pull it out of the oven before the top feels hard.
Allow to cool completely before icing. When ready to ice, use a pastry bag fitted with a star tip or a round tip to create a pretty pattern or just spread a dollop of icing on the cookie with an offset spatula or anything handy you happen to have around your kitchen.
When you are done, if you wrap the whoopie pie in plastic, it will start softening up. In my opinion, Whoopie Pies taste best when they are softer after they've sat in plastic for a day.
Basic Vanilla Filling for Chocolate Whoopie Pies
Yield: enough to ice your Whoopie Pies and your cupcakes, if you have them. So halve the recipe if you don't have an overwhelming need for a surplus of icing.
- 8 oz Butter (2 sticks)
- 6-8 C Confectioners Sugar
- 1/2 C Buttermilk
- 1/2 t salt (dissolve in buttermilk, if possible)
- 1-2 t vanilla extract (depending on how much vanilla flavor you want)
Procedure:
Combine butter and 4 cups of the confectioners sugar and mix until it resembles corn meal. If it combines completely, that's okay. Add the buttermilk with the salt and the vanilla. Mix until completely incorporated. Add 2 more cups of confectioners sugar. Mix again. If the mixture is still wet, add another cup or two of sugar. When it is spreadable but holds its shape, it is done.
For chocolate icing, I use the icing recipe here
Enjoy!
Monday, March 22
Weekend Warriors: Lost my cool...
It's no secret, I look forward to the weekend. Who doesn't?! Being a SAHM (stay at home mom) I really look forward to this time when Doug is home so that he and Parker can bond and do man things... and I can have a break.
Not the case this weekend. Doug was super busy with work functions and it was pretty much just Park and I. I remember saying mid week, 'Oh it's going to be a long two weeks' referring to the fact that I wouldn't get much time off this weekend. Please note, I barked such negativity before even experiencing the weekend already assuming parts of it would suck... Nice, Chan. Guess what foundation I laid the moment I said that!
Sunday afternoon around 3 we all jumped into bed for a big, long 'family nap.' Parker wouldn't stop trying to look and talk to Doug so we thought this would be easy and fun... WRONG! I couldn't let down and Parker was so tired and impatient that he wouldn't suck for more than two second before getting mad, flailing backwards and crying, over and over again. Then the biting began.
I was trying to stay calm, breath, visualize, touch skin to skin but nothing was working. (Unfortunately this is something I experience a couple times a month... not sure why.) The biting was the final straw and I found myself huffing, puffing and mumbling under my breath. I was MAD. Mad at Parker, mad at Doug... just plain mad.
Finally everyone got to sleep and once awake, we decide to grab dinner at my favorite Thai place. (mmm, short ribs!) I tried to nurse Parker in the restaurant but because he's so social and can't miss a thing I wasn't successful. The food came and Parker was done, finished, ready to go. He had already dropped every toy on the floor 25+ times, sat in the booster seat, passed back and forth between the two of us a gazillion times and expressed himself more than once by screaming at the top of his lungs (his new favorite things!)
I was sweating, felt the stares and again MAD!
'This was all I wanted. Can't I just have this one thing?'
'Thanks, Parker... clearly I'm never going to get to go out to eat ever again.'
'I should have left you at home... '
'I would crack you if you weren't seven months old.'
'blah, blah, blah...'
Back home, I nursed him and he was in bed within 30 minutes.
I'm reading and loving 'Unconditional Parenting' by Alfie Kohn. Since it's past due to the library I'm trying to read the key chapters right now!
The following jumped off the page and slapped me in the face last night.
(subheadings from the chapter on Principles of Unconditional Parenting)
-Consider Your Requests
I was asking a 7 month old to sit quietly for 1 hour in a new place while his parents ate and he didn't.
-Talk Less, Ask More
I basically was telling him all the things I thought he was or wasn't and what I was going to do about it... and never asked him what was wrong or what he wanted.
-Keep Their Ages in Mind
Hello, MORON... he's 7 months old!
-Assume 'best possible motives' until you have the facts
I was assuming because he acted like this, this time that we would act like this every time we go out and that we would never be able to go out to eat again... I wasn't considering that his front tooth finally broke threw, he was excited, missed his Dad, was hungry and tired.
After reading this, I realized that I loose my cool more in these instances when Doug is around. Because subconsciously I'm trying to show him that this is what I experience often and I'm tired, you deal with it. Because I wanted him to feel sorry for me or think that I'm Super Women or something else vain like that...!
I did feel ashamed, but trashed it quickly. I had a lesson to learn and a future of experience to respond differently to!
See growing can be fun! And I just might have to go buy myself some buffet pants in a pretty floral pattern for Spring... because I feel some MASSIVE growth coming on!
Friday, March 19
Love, Love, Love
HORMONES transferred by touch and smiles
love UNBREAKABLE, EVERLASTING
days are HARD, long, GRUELING
the rewards are constant yet EVER CHANGING
SLEEP, what's that...
will WE ever SHARE company again
Yet he sleeps PERFECTLY, full of bliss
in MY arms
my HEART smiles
HE is MY true LOVE
Wednesday, March 17
Why I'm not getting anything done...
Seriously this kid is EVERYWHERE, and he hasn't even mastered it yet!!!
Untitled from Chandra Endel on Vimeo.
Monday, March 15
Weekend Warriors: Sitting & Swimming!
Friday, March 12
Wednesday, March 10
Wish List Wednesday: Potty Time!
We are starting very late compared to many of my friends, but any time is a good time to teach and learn, right... so here we go!
Somethings to help aid in the process, but clearly not a necessity!
$29.95
Bjorn also has another version of potty that is cheaper and would work great.
This one is nice if the babe isn't completely sitting up yet.
BabyMISHA Infant Training Pants
$8 each.
These are nice because they come in smaller sizes.
Otherwise Gerber sells a 3 pack for $9.99 and another option is Potty Scotty.
BabyLegs
$6-$15 each
Great all year round. If you wear your baby these are great to cover their legs so they aren't hanging out. If you have hard wood floors or you can use them as sleeves! Target also carries them online. And there are a number of other companies too!
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Chandra Endel...
My world was forever changed on 8/20/09. Every day I learn something new about myself and living my new life. Now, I am a mother and a kick ass one at that. Some days I am sane... and other days I sport a neon pink straight jacket! Here is my life because it makes me feel normal to share. And maybe my over dramatized & crazy stories, my hippie-vogue style & way of life, will give you joy, hope, inspiration or simply... laughs!
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