Thursday, April 15

The little things

Today I feel blessed by the little things. Here are some of my recent 'Wins!'

  • God has really been showing me that I am good enough just as I am! This is something I've struggled with for a really long time. I get excited about an idea or way to serve, but then I quickly extinguish it, telling myself I'm not 'ready yet.' 'I don't know enough yet.' Blah blah blah. Clearly there is ALWAYS room for improvement and more knowledge and experience but some times it's the experiences that come from doing vs. reading... I've began reading 'The Wisdom of No Escape' by Pema Chodron and over and over again it talked about loving ourselves first and that we are great just as we are. It encourages us to be inquisitive and curious about ourselves, our experience and life in general while being gentle and open as well. Sometimes I feel surrounded by people who know what they want to do with their lives and are doing it... most have this fancy education and letters behind their names. It has really been a challenge for me because I too have big dreams of changing the world and I often feel I can only do it with more education or letters trailing Mrs. Endel... I've been feeling peace with where I am in my life and yesterday mapped out a little deeper my plan of attack on impacting the world. I'm good enough today to do it... so I will start, with baby steps!
  • Parker... where is he, he's over there, no he's up there... no how about out there? It's no secret Park is ready to take on the world and I have a feeling he's going to be a 'Go Big or Go Home' kind of guy. He makes me tired, I'm always subluxated and I'm pretty sure our skin's are slowly fusing together! I find my self trying not to say things like, 'He's an animal.' 'He's an active boy.' My goal as his mother isn't about labeling him or describing him... but rather embracing him. Who he is today and who he is tomorrow and the next. I want to honor his curiosity of this world and how things work. His 'I can do it' attitude that he exercises over and over again!
  • Friends. My life has been blessed with so many amazing friends! God has provided me with love, acceptance, family and accountability in the most AMAZING people these last 5 years. I grew a lot in Iowa. Looking back I was growing from child to teenager. Finding my way and developing my Independence. My years in Seattle have been growing from teenager to woman... I have fallen a lot and the scars are deep. But I had the best surgeons stitching me back up and giving me directions on how to heal! Two weeks, and I pick up my things and move yet again. Looking back from college to now, I've seen some patterns. I have loved, moved, loved again and moved. Through all of that, there are a handful of amazing people who still influence my life almost daily and in two weeks that number will grow again. Because we choose what 'good-bye' looks like and means... I'm choosing NO 'good-byes,' rather 'Call you later.' 'See you soon!' The world is too big and time is too short to go it alone... and I'm not going to!
My rambles are finished for now! Thanks for your shoulder and ear!

1 comment:

CQAussie said...

I've moved alot in my life. Born in the Philippines, lived in Taiwan for 5 years then Sydney for 17 years before moving to Iowa for 3 years then Detroit for a year then finally, Chicago. Thru it all, I didn't really spend much time thinking and exploring who I was. Most of the time, I'm reacting and coping thru a new place, new people, new school, new friends.

When I met you guys in Davenport, I was at a point in my life where I was about to take a big leap of faith. It basically saved my marriage and put Phil & I back onto a path towards a closer marriage. If it wasn't for God in my life, catching me when I did finally leap, our marriage would barely be holding on now.

I would say the last 7 years of my life, God has challenged me, prodded me, let me fall down, lifted me up and let me struggle. I've railed, resented, cried, praised and have been in awe of His faithfulness and His eternal goodness. The one thing in my life that has never changed was God. He was true to His word when He promised to "never leave me or forsake me". Even as I faltered, doubted and despaired, God was ever faithful. He has restored me countless times and has lovingly let me make the mistakes to learn from.

I pray fervently that God would walk with you close for all the days of your life. As you continue growing in your relationship with Him, in your knowledge of Him, I really look forward to sharing it all with you (even if it has to be thru a blog!)

Love you!