Monday, March 22

Weekend Warriors: Lost my cool...

It's no secret, I look forward to the weekend. Who doesn't?! Being a SAHM (stay at home mom) I really look forward to this time when Doug is home so that he and Parker can bond and do man things... and I can have a break.

Not the case this weekend. Doug was super busy with work functions and it was pretty much just Park and I. I remember saying mid week, 'Oh it's going to be a long two weeks' referring to the fact that I wouldn't get much time off this weekend. Please note, I barked such negativity before even experiencing the weekend already assuming parts of it would suck... Nice, Chan. Guess what foundation I laid the moment I said that!

Sunday afternoon around 3 we all jumped into bed for a big, long 'family nap.' Parker wouldn't stop trying to look and talk to Doug so we thought this would be easy and fun... WRONG! I couldn't let down and Parker was so tired and impatient that he wouldn't suck for more than two second before getting mad, flailing backwards and crying, over and over again. Then the biting began.

I was trying to stay calm, breath, visualize, touch skin to skin but nothing was working. (Unfortunately this is something I experience a couple times a month... not sure why.) The biting was the final straw and I found myself huffing, puffing and mumbling under my breath. I was MAD. Mad at Parker, mad at Doug... just plain mad.

Finally everyone got to sleep and once awake, we decide to grab dinner at my favorite Thai place. (mmm, short ribs!) I tried to nurse Parker in the restaurant but because he's so social and can't miss a thing I wasn't successful. The food came and Parker was done, finished, ready to go. He had already dropped every toy on the floor 25+ times, sat in the booster seat, passed back and forth between the two of us a gazillion times and expressed himself more than once by screaming at the top of his lungs (his new favorite things!)

I was sweating, felt the stares and again MAD!

'This was all I wanted. Can't I just have this one thing?'
'Thanks, Parker... clearly I'm never going to get to go out to eat ever again.'
'I should have left you at home... '
'I would crack you if you weren't seven months old.'
'blah, blah, blah...'

Back home, I nursed him and he was in bed within 30 minutes.

I'm reading and loving 'Unconditional Parenting' by Alfie Kohn. Since it's past due to the library I'm trying to read the key chapters right now!

The following jumped off the page and slapped me in the face last night.

from the chapter on Principles of Unconditional Parenting)
-Consider Your Requests
I was asking a 7 month old to sit quietly for 1 hour in a new place while his parents ate and he didn't.
-Talk Less, Ask More

I basically was telling him all the things I thought he was or wasn't and what I was going to do about it... and never asked him what was wrong or what he wanted.
-Keep Their Ages in Mind
Hello, MORON... he's 7 months old!
-Assume 'best possible motives' until you have the facts

I was assuming because he acted like this, this time that we would act like this every time we go out and that we would never be able to go out to eat again... I wasn't considering that his front tooth finally broke threw, he was excited, missed his Dad, was hungry and tired.

After reading this, I realized that I loose my cool more in these instances when Doug is around. Because subconsciously I'm trying to show him that this is what I experience often and I'm tired, you deal with it. Because I wanted him to feel sorry for me or think that I'm Super Women or something else vain like that...!

I did feel ashamed, but trashed it quickly. I had a lesson to learn and a future of experience to respond differently to!

See growing can be fun! And I just might have to go buy myself some buffet pants in a pretty floral pattern for Spring... because I feel some MASSIVE growth coming on!


CQAussie said...

Your honesty is astonishing and refreshing. Most parents take a long time to get to this point so good on you for growing this much already.

Our small group leader is just as honest as you are about his struggles with 2 young boys (4 and 2 yrs old) and a newborn baby girl who loves to be held. My best friend also struggles with 2 young boys and is pregnant again with their third. Their grace under pressure comes from God each time and without His supernatural strength, there would be constant meltdowns from parents and kiddies!

I won't pretend I remotely understand your frustrations, babe. Being currently minus children, I can only hope to learn from your experience! But what I will do is pray for you that God would be the still small voice reminding you to lean on His supernatural grace and strength when temptations come your way to lose it completely.

aka victoria paige! hahahhaha! I know, I'm a dork....

Chandra said...

Thanks babe... and I can't tell you how much I LOVE getting feedback from Miss Paige! I think I need an alter... but I don't know which one I'd pick!